Of Roses and Promises
by Caeruleaneyes30
Summary: She swore the last few days, of her life, were more difficult than the entire six months she spent undercover.


**The inspiration for this story was the opening scene from Season 2 Episode 11. The first scene of Season 2 Episode 13. The photos and comments Ben Bass tweeted from the Rookie Blue set on September 28, 2012 and March 21, 2013. Finally the video David Wellington, Executive Producer of Rookie Blue tweeted on September 27, 2012. Enjoy!**

**__****Disclaimer: The author of this fan fiction does not, in any way, profit from this story and all creative rights to the characters belong to their original creators.**

Andy stood staring blankly into the mirror above the white porcelain pedestal sink in the washroom of the women's locker room. She swore the last few days, of her life, were more difficult than the entire six months she spent undercover. The take down was only the beginning of the nightmare that just simply did not want to end. The past two and a half weeks involved countless meetings at headquarters to give her statement and review every detail of her undercover diary, continual attempts at reconnecting with her "real" life...her parents, her friends, adjusting to living alone again, surviving her sessions with the department psychiatrist, returning to the uniform and trying to accept the fact that Sam didn't wait for her to return. He moved on from her, from them.

Slowly she pulled her eyes away from her image in the mirror to turn the taps of the sink allowing warm water to cascade downwards into the basin. Methodically she wet her hands, applied a dollop of soap from the dispenser, and gently massaged the bubbling liquid over her skin. As she rinsed her hands under the tap, she watched the bubbles slowly disappear down the drain. Gently she wiped her hands on the towel from her police bag and hung it on a hook beside the sink. She removed a face cloth and her make up remover lotion from her toiletry bag. Andy wet the cloth, applied a small dollop of the lotion on the towelette and gently began to massage the cloth over her face. It felt nice washing the cakey coating off.

_Flashback_

_It was two and a half weeks since the take down and only her third shift back in uniform when Frank called her and Nick into his office. For the past three weeks, every Friday evening or early Saturday morning, the department was interviewing another rape victim. DNA obtained, from the girls, during the medical exams, revealed a single perpetrator was responsible. Detective Swarek's investigation indicated the villain was a creature of habit. All three women were on their way home from the same night club alone, it was their first time attending the club and all were young, thin, pretty, wearing club clothes with a lot of make-up and brunette. _

_"Look Andy! I know you have only been back for three shifts, but we need you to go undercover in this club tonight."_

_"Frank..."_

_"Andy...we need to catch this guy and you are the only one who not only matches the victim's description, but has experience undercover. We're not asking you to go in alone. None of the victims arrived alone at the club. They all attended with friends. At some point during the evening, for one reason or another, they became separated from their friends. Nash, Peck and you will arrive together and enter the club together. We will have other officers inside the club, including Collins, as well as officers outside the club. This is not long-term Andy. It is only for tonight."_

_Andy looked between Frank and Sam before turning to her partner. Even though Frank did all the talking Sam had been present the entire time silently observing._

_She knew what Nick was going to say before he even opened his mouth. They were good at talking to each other with their eyes and slight body movements._

_"It's your decision Andy. I'll support you partner. Whichever way you decide I have your back."_

_Nick chose his words carefully. Primarily, he wanted Andy to know he was there for her as a friend and a partner. He supported her, not the department. Second he wanted to see Swarek's reaction. He knew Andy believed Sam had moved on from her, from them but Nick wasn't so sure. Three days after the take down he drove over to Andy's condo to pick her up and take her out for breakfast, As he drove up he swore he saw Swarek sitting in his truck down the street watching. When he looked up a minute later, after phoning Andy to tell her he was there, the truck was gone. Over the last three days, since they returned to work, he saw the way Swarek looked at Andy every time she was at the station._

_Andy gently nodded her head, silently took a deep breath, turned to Frank and quietly said "yes"._

_Nick gave her a small supportive smile. _

_"The way Swarek is clenching his jaw and gripping that file...he has not moved on. I'll sort this out over the next couple of days." Nick thought._

_Three hours later Andy was wearing a black bandeau bra with a hidden microphone, a royal blue sleeveless, low-cut, opened sided top, a pair of tight black skinny jeans, a pair of three-inch high classic heeled black shoes and a ton of make up while standing at the bar of the club ordering a round of drinks._

_After spending three hours in the club Andy left alone. Thirty minutes later Nick made the arrest, with Sam and eight other officers as back up when the guy grabbed Andy and tried to pull her into a nearby ally as she walked down the street towards an undercover apartment._

_End Flashback._

Andy sat on the bench beside her locker. She lifted her leg and placed her ankle on top of the knee of her opposite leg and removed her high-heeled shoe. Slowly she massaged her foot. The locker room was empty. Everyone had left. Her friends invited her to meet them at "The Penny" to celebrate, but she...

_"What's wrong with me?" She thought._

_"I'm tired but, I feel...I feel energized. I don't want to go to "The Penny" but, I don't feel like being alone. Sam will be there and I don't want to see him with her."_

She was so lost in her thoughts she didn't hear the door to the locker room open or someone quietly approach.

"You were amazing tonight." A voice said gently.

Andy looked up to see Sam leaning against one of the lockers.

"I was trained by the best."

Sam gave her a small smile. "I taught you well, but you were beyond...you were completely immersed in your character. Andy McNally was gone, left behind and you were college girl Erica Stevens. You never flinched once."

"Yea...living as someone else for six months will...you learn fast." Andy said quietly as she took the foot she was massaging and placed it into a flat black dress shoe. Gently she took her other foot, removed it from the high-heeled shoe and gently rubbed the sole.

Sam quietly walked over and sat down beside Andy as she placed her foot into the other flat black shoe.

"This is for you." Sam said quietly as he handed her a small bouquet containing a single red sweet heart rose with greenery and white baby's breathe.

Andy stared at the clear cellophane wrapped, beautifully arranged bouquet a moment.

"Thank-you" she whispered as she glanced at Sam sitting beside her.

"I've been...I've been trying to talk to you since you came back Andy."

_"When? The only time I've seen you is at the station and every time all you say is a quick "hello" before rushing off somewhere?"_

"It's okay Sam. I know you...I know you met someone else. You moved on from me...from us."

Sam looked at her with his brow furrowed in confusion.

_Flashback: Two days after the takedown._

_Noelle approached her locker._

_"Hey Cruz! How was shift?"_

_"Good! Good! Caught that guy the D's office was after and he broke real fast during interrogation."_

_"Oh lucky you!"_

_"Tell me about it. The paper work's done and I get to finish my shift on time. You and Frank heading over to "The Penny" tonight?"_

_"No, I'm afraid our days of heading to "The Penny" after shift are few and far between these days. We have to pick Olivia up at the sitters. You have a drink for me Girl!"_

_"Sure, except I'm not going to "The Penny". Swarek's taking me to that "Pisa Pizzeria" tonight for dinner."_

_"Have fun! I'll see you tomorrow at parade."_

_"Enjoy your evening Noelle."_

_Andy stood beside her locker in the next aisle. She was at the station to attend her session with the department's psychiatrist. Quietly she closed her locker door and slipped out of the room and station unseen._

_End Flashback._

'Sam...the last six months...you were in a position where you could date and move forward in your personal life. I wasn't...I mean Nick and I were posing as a couple. Even if we weren't I couldn't date. The type of people we were associating with...I guess I'm trying to say is that I'm...I think I'm six months behind when it comes to you and I. The break, I thought it would be good for us. I guess I thought you would wait for me to come back. I realize you didn't and I'm dealing with the situation. I know I have no right to ask you...but would you mind not throwing you and Cruz in my face. It's just...it hurts and I'm...I don't know what's happening to me right now...I'm happy one moment and sad the next..."

"Andy!"

"I'm having troubles being alone..."

"Andy!"

"I'm..."

"Andy!"

Andy looked at Sam.

"I'm not seeing Cruz. I took her for pizza one night because I lost a bet. I knew you were coming in for a session that day but I didn't see you after shift. I just assumed you left. If I'd seen you I would have put Cruz off and tried to take you out that evening and talk."

"She seemed so happy that day in the locker room."

"Cruz is a good cop and TO. I've known her since the academy. Marlo is always in a pleasant mood and believe me I'm not her type. You don't need to worry."

"It's just..."

"Andy...believe me. I'm not her type."

Andy studied Sam's face.

He gave her a small smile.

"Andy...you are her type, not me."

"Oh...um..." Andy said slightly shocked as she turned her head away from Sam and stared straight ahead.

Sam smiled softly. "You said you feel happy one moment and sad the next."

Andy nodded her head. "I'm having troubles being alone. I haven't been sleeping very well."

"When people call you by your "real" first name do you find it feels really good, but strange at the same time?"

Andy nodded.

"Is it a relief to not have to go home at the end of the day to your undercover apartment, but at the same time your condo feels foreign?"

Andy sighed and nodded.

"You're decompressing still Andy."

"Does it pass? I mean...will I feel normal in my own identity again?"

"Yea...it just takes time. Are you still seeing the department shrink?"

"Yea! She cleared me to come back to work but recommended I continue with the sessions for a while."

"You'll be fine."

"I'm sorry Sam."

Sam looked at her questioningly.

"I'm sorry I didn't stay after the Brennan op. I know how I feel right now and...I didn't even go through what you...I'm sorry I didn't stay."

"You left because you wanted to keep being a cop. You're young Andy. I get why you left."

"I didn't choose the job over you Sam. I didn't run. Running is when you never intend to come back. I intended to come back. I even let you know where I was staying for the three months."

Sam watched her a moment.

"Sam...can you recite the Policeman's "Code of Honour" from memory?"

"On my honour, I will never betray my...I can recite it."

"I memorized it when I was a little girl. I can't remember a time when I didn't want to become a cop. When my mom first left, for the first few months I thought I would wake up one morning and find she was back. When I realized she was really gone for good I...I got scared. I thought that maybe one day my Dad wouldn't come home. What if something happened to him while on duty? I knew he wouldn't quit the force. He loved being a cop too much. I started making him recite the "Code of Honour" every morning as a promise he would never leave me. I thought it would keep him safe and bring him home to me every night. Sam...I see you at work and you're the same as my dad and I. You love being a cop. When the Brennan op fell apart and we received suspensions I wanted to stay and help you with all my heart. I did. I know you said you didn't care about the rules and didn't care if you lost your job. I know you said you would go to bat for me and save my badge."

"I was being honest."

"If I stayed and we did end up being fired we probably could have found work with a private investigation firm or a private security company. Things would have worked out for a while, but I know how much you love being a cop and sooner or later you would have seen a police officer working and wished it was you making that arrest, or driving that squad car, or speaking to those witnesses. That is when the realization would hit. You no longer were that cop because of me. Once that happened...you would eventually have grown to resent me. Your resentment towards me...we wouldn't have survived. Then what?"

"I couldn't be the cause of you loosing your badge. I couldn't do that to you Sam. I'm sorry I left for those three months, but please understand I didn't do it for myself. I did it for you. I did it for us."

Sam sat and stared at her a moment processing everything.

"I always thought you went to North Bay because all you wanted was to keep being a cop. I'm sorry Andy. I wasn't in the best place emotionally after that op. Looking back I could have done a couple of things. I should have been more forthcoming with the department shrink and told her how much I needed your help. She could have written a letter to Frank and the review board telling them she was over ruling their decision we stay apart for the medical benefit of her client. You sent me an e-mail letting me know where you were staying. I could have packed a few things and driven to North Bay to visit a few times during the suspension. No one would have known."

Now it was Andy's turn to sit and process everything for a moment.

"I never ran Sam. Not back then and not six months ago. I intended to return. I left a note both times. I never completely cut you off."

"Completely cut you off...ten minutes after I broke up with you I regretted what I did."

"Then why didn't you come and talk to me the next day? I tried for six weeks Sam. You wouldn't take my phone calls, you requested a new partner, you wouldn't speak to me at work unless it was for a case and then usually you yelled at me, I went over to your house a couple of times and you wouldn't answer the door and..."

Andy wiped away a small tear. "Don't tell me you weren't home because I know you were."

"After Jerry died my head became screwed up. I promised you, months back, that when things got tough...you wouldn't get rid of me without a fight. I know, when the time came I turned around and did the exact opposite. I walked away. Andy...I'm sorry...I've missed us." He said as he looked at her.

Andy watched Sam a moment quietly. She was trying to hold back her tears but emotions were flowing through her body like river waters over rapids. Small tears spilled from her eyes and silently fell down her cheeks.

"The pain I felt after the funeral was...it was unbearable. He was my best friend. I told him I would always have his back and when the time came, I wasn't there for him. All I could think was that if the pain of losing Jerry...if the hurt...what would the pain be like if I lost you. I broke up with you to protect myself from ever having to feel the pain of your loss. I knew I was in love with you and I thought if I cut you off completely I would fall out of love. Then if something happened I wouldn't...I realized even before that big mess up in booking happened that breaking up with you was a mistake. It wasn't working. It's why I waited outside the women's locker room, at the end of shift, and tried to ask if you were alright. I thought we could talk and get back together. When you said "That's not your job anymore." and walked away I thought I'd lost you forever. Then a couple of weeks later I saw you holding that bomb. All I could think was my worst nightmare was coming true. I was about to lose you. It's why I stayed. If you were going to die then I was going to die standing at your side and holding your hand. I said "I love you" because I meant it and I didn't want us to leave this world without you knowing how I felt. Instead of breaking up with you I should have just told you I needed some time and space."

"I thought you blamed me for Jerry's death."

"I didn't blame you Andy. I blamed myself. I knew the cab driver was a better lead. My experience and gut told me to investigate that angle."

"Why didn't you push me harder to go and interview the cab driver? You should have told me how you felt."

"I don't know. It was a bad day all around. The night of Gayle's kidnapping I didn't walk you up to the door of your condo to make sure you got in okay. The next day when we found out the perp attacked you and Gayle it screwed with my head. I kept thinking that it could just as easily be you the perp took instead of Gayle. We could have spent the day looking for you. I didn't want to let you out of my sight that day. I guess I let those emotions guide me more than my experience or gut instincts."

"I shouldn't have worked that day Sam. I wanted to help find Gayle because I felt responsible. I thought I didn't fight back hard enough when I walked in on the perp and he grabbed me. Frank should have placed me on desk duty or insisted I go home."

"Gayle's kidnapping and Jerry's death wasn't your fault or my fault Andy. It was everyone and no one's fault. I guess I just needed a kick in the butt to have everything put into perspective."

"Like me holding a bomb?"

"Yea...like you holding a bomb. Andy, I know I made you a promise that when things got tough I would not walk away, I know I broke that promise. Believe me when I say I have regretted breaking my word for months."

"I made the same promise Sam. I tried for six weeks to keep my promise and fight for us. When you told me you wanted to fight for us...I guess...I guess in a way I turned my back on us for a while."

"That night...the night you went under...when you didn't show at "The Penny" I assumed you were intending to make me work to get you back. I left the bar around midnight and went over to your condo. Your windows were all in darkness, but I figured you were in bed. I spent fifteen minutes buzzing your intercom and trying to phone your cell. I finally gave up and headed home for the night with the idea I would start winning you back the next day. Two days later Peck and I put everything together. Neither you nor Collins were at parade and Callaghan's office was empty. I was finally able to tell you how I felt and you were gone like really evil black magic."

"It's the same way I felt when you went under for the Brennan case. I was ready to tell you how I felt and you were just gone. Sam...I took the undercover opportunity...when I first applied I was told...I was told my past mistakes did not make me a good contender. The night I went under...the past few weeks were so emotionally challenging...I thought a break...the break would be good for us. Help put everything in perspective. I know the assignment was good for my career but, that wasn't the main reason I took the opportunity."

"I worried about you every day you were gone."

"I thought about you every day I was gone."

Sam and Andy sat side by side a few moments staring straight ahead deep in thought. As if on cue the two turned their heads to face each other at the same moment.

"Where...where do we go from here?" Andy asked quietly.

Sam smiled and said softly, "Hi! I'm Sam."

"Hi! I'm Andy." she replied.

"I was wondering if I could take you out for a drink. I know a place close by."

"I would like to go for a drink." Andy said quietly.

Sam pulled into a parking spot outside "The Penny" and turned off the engine. Andy sat quietly in the passenger seat gazing out of the side window.

"Do you still want to go in?" Sam asked.

Andy turned her head and nodded.

"We can go somewhere else?" Sam asked.

"No...this is fine."

Sam smiled as he opened the door to his truck, climbed out and walked around the front of the vehicle to open the passenger side door for Andy to step out.

As Andy slipped out of the truck the sole of her shoe caught on the step ledge causing her to lunge forward. Sam automatically reached out to help her regain her balance. A split second later they were face to face with their arms around each other. Slowly Sam dipped his head and closed the gap between their lips. Four small butterfly kisses later they parted."

"Promise me...promise me..this is a new beginning. The past is in the past."

"I promise Andy." Sam said as they slowly walked towards the front doors of "The Penny".

_"Roses and promises...it's a start."._

**Never say never! What did you think? Love to know your thoughts.**


End file.
